Sunday, May 6, 2007

i'm so happy, i could puke a rainbow.

The Good:
So this week was really fucking great, I’m not going to lie. First of all, I have regained nearly full range of motion in my back! It is still sore, but not injury sore, more like muscle soreness, which is good. I’ve been able to get my upper leg SO closed to locked in standing bow, ee!
We started posture clinics in the small groups this week. It’s much less intimidating. When I went up to deliver back bend and pada hastasana I was a little nervous but I nailed it. The teachers critiquing us just said “wow. Why did you wait so long if you knew it that well? You’re going to be a good teacher.” it was pretty sweet. Now I am not nearly as nervous to deliver the rest.
I feel like I am making real friends.
I stopped biting my nails. Bikram yelled at someone in lecture for it so I’ve since quit.
Practicing so much has given me so much energy! I would constantly be smiling if other people wouldn’t think I was a weirdo. And even though I still don’t get much sleep, I’ve been using that time to my advantage – like I study or write emails, or go to the beach and watch crabs burry themselves in the sand.
Today, to study dialogue a bunch of us enjoyed the delicious cooking of a fellow trainee and we all demonstrated/delivered at the beach, with intermittent bouts of swimming.
After class on Wednesday, a guy I hardly know came up to me and said I have a “kick ass and inspiring practice.” I couldn’t believe it! Especially since I feel like a loaf compared to so many other trainees.
I would have gotten a full score on my anatomy test had I only remembered the word ‘valve.’ Oh well. I thought ‘trap door’ was just as good, but apparently not :)
When John, a former lawyer and current Chicago studio owner was asking us about the good and bad connotations of Coke, someone said "anal seepage," which i think will become our training's inside joke. i laughed for like 10 minutes straight.
The next day during posture clinic, i was demonostrating for this charming, hilarious british guy who slaughtered the dialogue out of nervousness but was really funny about it. when the teachers asked him what he felt during his dialogue, he said "anal seepage." i laughed just as hard that time as well.
Today, Craig made the Saturday morning class better by quoting some of my favorite movies.
I bought fixins to make everyone cookies on my birthday next week. I think that will go over well.

The Bad:
Not much that I can think of… oh, besides that one day when they finally had enough power to get all the heaters going. It was SO FUCKING HOT! And SO humid! I thought it was going to rain in there. But not nice, refreshing rain. It would have been hot rain of sweat and suffocation and sadness. A lot of people ran out of the room and yacked. At the end, I got a cramp from my lower abs all the way up to my neck. That was strange.
Also, bikram bashed San Francisco a bit. But that’s okay. I’d be bitter if I lived in LA.

The Weird:
I still don’t have an appetite. Yesterday, I couldn’t even finish a bowl of cereal after morning class, then I had half a granola bar in the afternoon, and I couldn’t finish the small salad and sliced pair I made in the evening. Eating just seems so laborious and completely unfulfilling all of a suddenly. Hopefully I’ll get over this soon.
So, the entire handful of…weird… people are in my posture clinic group. I’ll assume they’re there to test my patience. There is one woman who was trying to make a pillow for herself out of a towel in class yesterday and she was covering my feet entirely! She was all up in my business, so I politely kicked her swass towel off and she kept talking to me about it and tapping my feet for the rest of class. And also, there is a woman who will never learn the dialogue. Not because she can’t, but because she has to many excuses and other issues in the way. She is too much of an anomaly for me to adequately explain. And guess who else is in my group! Don’t make me say it, you know who it is… my FAVORITE person! Yes.

Quotes (my quote cup runneth over this week, but they are all good)
- Whatever you do, you’re going to do it better with a pure heart and a clean spirit.
- If you are 99% right, then you are 100% wrong. Yes, life that big BITCH
- You’re smart, how come you’re so short and have no hair?
- You cannot see your face without a mirror. Your family is that mirror.
- Kids these days don’t even know how to wipe their own ass! I serious!
- You can watch 3 Japanese fighting movies for $1. Also dirty shows. Japanese love dirty shows
- If you are a realized man, this place is heaven for you. It is only hell to those who cannot see any better than that.
- I don’t care what you think about me. You paid and I ate your money so I don’t give a shit.
- Money is the beginning of your life, the journey of your life, and the end of your life.
- Spiritualism is to understand your own soul – atma – your god, your spirit.
- Your body is not life, your mind is. Use your body to improve your mind.
- Sanjay, have you been to school? Then why the fuck you sleeping?!
- I was so proud of myself when I live in tokyo. Ask me why. Because I was the tallest man!
- If you don’t fulfill your karma yoga, you will be born a cockroach in Milan living in a bathroom looking up at a big ass every morning!
- When you go to church or temple for your guilty conscience, you are just bribing God.
- You are not yours. Your body is the home for your spirit – you have no right to damage it.
- Look at our bodies – we went to bikram, he kicked our ass, now we no longer bitch and ass hole.
- Good is endless.
- i kill 7 dogs and 4 cats. Yes. They hire me.
- In this room, I have 310 Gods and Goddesses. Why go all the way to church to worship just one damn God? And that’s just a fucking statue!
- Love yourself, like yourself, take care of yourself, karma yoga.
- Today’s young generation always wants to be alone like they mental retard. They need a psychopath! I mean, psychiatrist!
- You never have a psychological problem until you meet a psychologist.
- Your mind can make you mother Theresa or a hooker, jesus Christ, or Hitler. Ooh, Hitler hooker, hooker Hitler. I like that. Do you follow me?
- My mantra is: sex, Bentley, car, money, Bentley, money, sex, lexus, nice ass, Bentley. I cant help it, I’m American!
- Learn how to live without expectation.
- You’re born to give, not to get, and at the end of the day you are the winner.
- Will you take that toothpick out of your mouth? Maybe put it in your ass? It might feel nice.
- You born the wrong place, you grow up the wrong way, you learn the wrong things, you eat your own shit and cannot digest it!
- You write your destiny with your own hand
- What the fuck is the name of that American yoga posture? Fucking the dog? that shit is not yoga!
- What the fuck are all these American yoga props? Blocks, straps, balls, hooks, whips, masks, big rubber dicks?
- You always underestimate yourself. What you need is self-realization.
- You give me some clay and I make it into…I don’t know… a monkey’s ass. I’m not a sculptor!
- Man is a combination of street dog, shitty pig and a smelling fucking goat.

Lillian Glass:
- A pat on the back is only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the ass
- I met Bill Clinton a few years ago. No I didn’t sleep with that man… but I thought about it!
- You could be retarded and have a British accent and sound like a genius.

John from Chicago:
- when you leave this bubble, it’s like benign post-dramatic stress disorder.
- Grab your toes, hippies!
- Intellectual property is like the prom queen – everybody wants some.
- San Francisco courts are scary – even the judges are pro-hippie
- Bikram yoga is a visa to the world.
- Big corporations’ marketing teams are just trying to hi-jack your shit

- I cook naked. – Primo

- don’t ever cook bacon without a shirt on. – Mike

- People come to us for a nice ass or tight stomach, and they leave with a beautiful mind. - Julia

- When one has attained success in asana, then praniyama is perfected. By praniyama, the veil which hides illumination is removed and the mind becomes fit for concentration. Then the senses are under full control.
- He labored dispassionately without attachment to results, and so results came to him. - Jim

-If you find your weak point, make it your strength! - Rageshri

-The drama you give to me will be reflected back onto you 1000x worse from your students. - Craig


Christyogini said...

Wow wow wow. Your energy is contagious, even in your writing!!! And my god, i love the quotes. I am sitting in an airport, snorting, causing heads to turn. Even if I could explain it to this crowd, I wouldn't. Training is truly an experience of extremes, isn't it? Incredible highs, devastating lows, gems that come out of his mouth that touch your soul and make you want to cry and things so assinine, your jaw drops thinking, "No he did not just say that."

I'm in no way surprised that people feed off of your strong practice. Keep us posted on the knee lock in standing bow. YOU ROCK, GIRL!!!

Anonymous said...

My dear I have had a harder week then I care to put into words coming home and reading your blog for a bit made me forget everything and remember how lucky we are. In the last week my eyes have really seen the family I stumbled into by luck, accident, or fate I am surrounded by the most loving, caring, and helpful people and now you are as well, welcome.

Unlearning Convention said...

Hi Erin! Thanks again for the delish cookies! I had a chocolate chip :) It was gooood. I saw your blog from Charles'. Anyway, I'd like to introduce myself: I'm Therese and as is obvious, I am a fellow trainee. Let's just hope we all make it :-s

PS I have photos at

Ron (only 49, not 50!) said...

Just got back from your Birthday Dinner & read your entire blog - I haven't laughed so hard in years!!! My favorite part is the bit about having a Baby through the Mother's ear & it coming out a meatball. Thanks for explaining that to me, because I didn't understand it the first time - do you follow me?