Sunday, April 29, 2007

the 2nd week in review

This is the current view from my balcony.

low points:
- i didn't sleep at all between monday and thursday afternoon when i got a nap before the book signing. i would lay in bed each night and just stare at the ceiling with my mind just reeling from practice or lecture of whatever. i think i was awake for about 85 hours, and took class 7 times. i felt run down, but not nearly as tired as i thought i should have been.
- in emmy's class, she kept telling us how lazy and bad we all were and looked at me in camel pose. she asked wtf i was doing, i told her i was injured, and she said "people are not defined by their injuries" so i went further back in the second set and she said "good." in the afternoon class, my back hurt so bad i couldn't even raise my arms over my head without getting shooting pains down my legs.
- shorly thereafter, i decided i don't care for the way she teaches us (but she seems nice outside of class)
- bikram told us we're the fattest group of trainees, ever.
- i cried in every class, twice for the entire duration

high points:
- when in posture clinic, bikram interrupted someone delivering the posture to pull up the sagging pants of a demonstrator
- when bikram demonstrated the difference between standing normal and standing with a flexed butt, by yanking his speedo up his butt and flexing. then he shook his ass and showed us how good he is at disco.
- after a big dinner, bikram lectured us until 1:30am, but before he started, he unbuttoned his pants since he was bloated from food.
- at the grocery store yesterday, my friend margerie made a joke about a penguin stuffed animal and we both laughed so hard we had to sit down, and it wasn't even that funny.
- when jim from san diego taught our class and he was so positive and nice and funny.

- maybe you have diarrhea? constipation? your period?? [to a guy who was nervous]
- you think you look so handsome, but you look like a monkey! a monkey's ass!!
- you can blow all other yoga teachers away with just a fart!
- it's like you're sitting on the toilet and pusing and pushing and nothing comes out! BORING!
- your dialogue is still like blaahhhlaalallalllaaa diarrhea! you cant control it without immodium
- hey jesus, can you move my guru 4' to the left? i need to see myself in the mirror
- now i understand you are from korea because you dont understand english!
- raindrops keep falling on my bald head
- why everyone feel pee during my psture clinic? i dont give a fuck if you pee all evening, just not now!
- i have largest and longest mouth in the whole world. i can stop thunder just by talking
- i make the whole world nervous with my mouth
- do you know how to make burritos? [to a mexican girl]
- you know how i got my schools and house and bentleys? my charm! duh!
- what the fuck kind of hair style is that? i thought i had the worst hair!
- excellent dialogue, excellent hair, just dont go in the dark, you will scare babies.
- i want to count how many more of this shit we have left! hold your shitty arms out so i can count! SHIT!
- that's called shitsasana. we'll get to that when you all have digestive issues
- i cant wait to talk for reals once we finish the dialogue shit.
- you never cross the horse in the grass or he kick you in the ass
- i forget the dialogue all the time, but nobody catch me because i do so much other things, i dont even remember where the shit i am and who the fuck all these people are
- just finish this fucking shit some how!
- there is no more fucking flower left to bloom, they are all dead!
- just fucking say you are from vancouver! island, main land, super land... why you talk so much once the dialogue is over?
- after training, if i hear you fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend, guess what? i kill you, then i hang you.
- cut the shit and give me the fucking diallgue! shit!
- i didn't come here in a container like an oriental or on a boat like a cuban!
- you dont go to east LA, you cant even walk they take your pants!
- smile! what the fuck is wrong with you?!
- the biggest criminials in this earth are lawyers! get them the fuck ut of here!
- i love being rich! now i dont have to steal to see jail house rock 22 times!
- use the past as an example to make the future better
- nothing avert my eyes, i saw your arms and boobs at the same time
- [what if the heating fails in class?] what the fuck is with all these negative shit questions? i dont know, what if you have to fart? what if you have to eat shit and die!
- it took me to 28 to lose my virginity. imagine how sad i was!
- last 3 days i only read 7 pages of my book - i fall asleep!

- it's not enough to suffer, you have to watch yourself suffer -Jim
- i can't ever find you in a crowd, all you white people look alike! -Charm


Anonymous said...

Welcome to the club, Erin. Isn't he something else? 85 hours? Wowza. Thank you for writing so much...I LOVE IT...xox Marina

Jenise said...

Hi Erin! Have been enjoying all your stories!Im planning on attending the Spring 2008 training and would love some inside info.! It sounds soooooo crazy! Thanks for sharing your experiences! Jenise from Ireland

Melinda said...

Erin, I am Marina's best friend Melinda in Oakland, CA. Keep up the wonderful blogging!! I'm living vicariously through you, as I was slated to go to training but am pregnant & due 11/11! I am seriously enjoying your stories. Marina has told me about you and knew you'd be a great teacher/trainee.

I'm doing Rajashree's pregnancy class now . . . HUGE difference from what you're going through. I'm pulling for you.