Sunday, April 22, 2007

hi-lights and quotes from week 1

- when bikram caught craig picking at the skin on his toe during head to knee, and gloated for 10 minutes about catching him.

- when bikram played a song called Bikram Love from his CD during final savasana. imagine bikram singing country with such trite lyrics all you can do is laugh out of embarrassment and horror.

- when bikram sang "Jesus Christ, Super Star" to a guy who looks like Jesus during posture clinic.

- when craig teased a guy in class who looks like Justin Timberlake.

- when in Rageshri's class she mentioned that wind removing pose helps digestion, and we will all suffer digestion problems at one time or another during training, only to have the burliest, most musclar german guy bolt towards the bathroom once the posture was over.

- when a guy from nevada got up for posture clinic, introduced himself to his demonstrators and said "i dont sell cheesecake, welcome to the torture chamber to kill yourself for the next 90 minutes, no money/no honey [insert every other one-liner bikram has used since training has started]" only to then deliver a perfect posture and bikram said "what the fuck is with this smart ass??"

--Quotes--
bikram:
- my shit is biggest shit in the world!
- life is more practical than emotional.
- you can mess with god, you can mess with the world, but you cant mess with your wife. in the middle of the night they cut ff your balls and play ping pong.
- the government, and immigration, they all piece of shit.
- every dog thinks they are a tiger in their own locality.
- where is the chicken's home? in my stomach!
- i invented disco, did you know that?
- you should make them piss their pants. if you piss your pants, how you make money?
- who is that on your shirt, is that me? no, it's david bowie. oh, i was close.
- yoga class is like losing your virginity over and over and over. i wouldn't know, i still a virgin.
- you mess with bikram and you get...beas.... or whatever.
- 1st you were like a rabbit, then a little deer, then you got a little naughty like a fox, at the end not quite a bengal tinger, more like a half dead tiger.
- you were mumbling like you were gargling with someones' pee! maybe you saw porno movie "deep throat"
- it's like you are secretly talking to someone while on the toilet and you dont want them to know.
- each ball should be 1 ton. use 2 ton balls to protect the women.
- your students will make you so angry because they are fucking stupid! they will make you yell and use language!
- oh my god, i sang for you for that shit? Jesus Christ! [to the guy who looks like jesus]
- you are so sweet, you will make people feel so comfortable, especially the old fat ladies.
- humans are the slaves of bad habits.
- when i correct you, why you come up here giving me that same shit?
- 'no air gap?' now what the fuck is that?!
- bend your arms, bend your ass!!
- get Lasik so you dont have that shit on your face
- there are all kinds of holes. we'll talk about those later.
- you will all be so good i will have to give you sleeping pills to shut up
- this dialolgue is the best creation in history

6 comments:

Christyogini said...

My god, I miss that man. He is hysterical. Thank you for capturing his craziness. And just think: it's only week one!?!?

d_marshalsea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
d_marshalsea said...

Hi e=Erin, it's David from London, UK. Christy's buddy. Keep up the bloging it's all very instersting and it's just like being there all over again! Try to get over the people around you and take it all in. Christy and I used to have to move many times before the start of class as I seamed to allways be by someone who stole my peace! But then you learn how not too let it effect you.....
Keep it up.
D
x

Anonymous said...

It was so good to chat with you yesterday in class I told everyone you were doing great and they shouldn't be grumpy about the humitity at least the mirrors stay on the wall here. I'm glad you're blogging I miss training more than I ever expected to so it's great to hear your stories. Bikrams quotes made me laugh so much it just brought it all back. Yea for you to be able to experience something so great. Sleep well eat well and I'll see you in 8 weeks!

Christyogini said...

I get much amusement from seeing David tell you to try to get over the people around you. he's not kidding about making me move several times before class.

But seriously, i hope you find a David at training, too. Just think- there are people there that you haven't really gotten to know yet who will play such a pivotal part in your life and be such a dear friend to you. The bonds that take place there are some of the deepest I've ever known. it's pretty overwhelming actually. Night, sleep tight!

Anonymous said...

LOL. I'm planning to go to training this year and this particular post made me literally crack up at my desk.